Don't know where else to post on the Café, there isn't much discussion for LGBT+ magicians, especially nonbinary folk, on here. I'm a member of the AMA Juniors at the Magic Castle and am in touch with my fellow LGBTQ performers there, but the group is relatively small.

I've been performing as a hobbyist for 5-6 years now (I'm seventeen) and for the last year I've been doing it professionally, taking gigs and having a restaurant residency. I can't help but feel slighted when I see my fellow Juniors Society members who are straight, white, cis men get frequent gigs while I barely can get one every few months, and I'm out there working weekly.

Is there something I could do to market myself differently?

I live in a pretty conservative area and it's impossible to be out as nonbinary whilst performing, but I present androgynously and it stirs up conversation regardless when I leave a table. (that being said, I'm lucky to not have insults thrown at me in public too often). On the plus side, my gender identity keeps people guessing and it helps build intrigue within my magic.

Thanks in advance.

Om Darji (he/she/xe)
www.omdarji.com

Hi! Please don't take anything I'm going to say as insulting but rather an attempt to get you to see things from a different angle. So put on your thick skin and let's dive in:

First, you have a nice website, and I can tell people like you based on the promo you have. That's good. You're ahead of the game in terms of overall likeability.

Second, do not insult older white men on the home page of your website. Regardless of what you may think or have been told, most won't care about your sexuality, and if you don't insult them or think lowly of them, they may even want to hire you for their events. So insulting them is a losing strategy no matter what way you slice it. Straight white men exist, and they are allowed to be who they are just like you.

Next, being non-binary is not a feature nor a benefit of a magic show. In fact, I'm sorry to disappoint you but most people don't REALLY care about someone else's gender or sexuality. They care about their own. Do I talk about my love of bi girls in my show? Nope. 99% of people would be like... wha? I'm glad that there is a flag for people like me, but putting that out there would make a lot of people feel insecure and snap them out of enjoying my magic. They hire me for magic, and that's what I bring to the table.

Now, you CAN make LGBTQ life the theme of a show if you choose to make it that way. If you choose to make things that way, that's your choice. But, making a show-themed "non-binary magic" is a very specific, not easily adapted concept to the social gatherings of the world that you could perform at. It certainly won't play at Timmy's 3rd bday party or Mr. Smith's corporate event. Imagine hiring someone for their birthday party, and suddenly it becomes a big quest to validate their gender or sexuality. No thanks!

For example, "Drag Me to Brunch" style shows are huge right now and they're always sold out. Fun! But good luck booking that at anything that isn't a space for drag shows. This is comparable to putting a knight in an alien movie and pretending the story still makes sense. There is potential for a story there... but it takes adaptation on some level for it to become a real story with a hero's journey.


So ultimately, if you want to get hired for general social gatherings you have to figure out a way to BE who you are without having to way out of your way to say it constantly and to get other people to validate you on it. If you're comfortable with yourself, then just be comfortable, it's that easy.

What do you want to make people feel? Who do you want to be in their eyes? What role does magic take? What is your philosophy on magic? These are far more important questions to ask as a magician, especially if you expect to get hired for gigs.

Self-esteem is self-generated. So get good at having a thick skin, being yourself, and showing up for the job that you're hired for. If you want to start your own ticketed show experience that's about gender identity, then cool, go right ahead, I'll even buy a ticket.

But if you want to get hired for gigs, then focus on getting hired for gigs and what THEY want. They are paying for their problem to be solved, which is they want someone to entertain them. If they hire you, you have to show up and be entertaining in a way that appeals to their audience. If you don't like doing those shows and feel like you're not being yourself, then don't do them or adapt what you're doing. Simple.

There are many David Bowie's of the world that prove that there is mass appeal for a gender-bending artist (Remi Wolf is another great modern example). You just have to be GOOD at the expression side of this, and don't have a "woe is me" attitude about it. So work on getting good at what YOU DO. You're young enough that you have time to figure it out. The money will come later in a way that is unique to you.

Don't seek validation from others, simply be who you are and learn what feedback should be taken into consideration. Not every pingback you get from others needs to be absorbed into your soul, including this message I'm writing. Good luck!

Also, some more thoughts:

There are some things that are universal that you're experiencing that have NOTHING to do with being nonbinary.

Feeling annoyed because someone else got the gig and not you? Welcome to show business!

Needing to market yourself? That never ends, so you better get good at it.

Realizing your strategy to get gigs isn't working as well as you hoped? That sucks. Time to shift.

All of these things are very normal, even for people who have great success.

It's okay to have feelings. But don't get feelings about your feelings or you'll be stuck chasing other people's dreams without realizing it.

Thanks Dave! I think I should have been more explicit in wording my post. Yeah, the "white man thing" was added to my website 2 days ago. Mistake. I'll find a better way of phrasing that.

My gender identity and sexuality are my personal business and I don't exactly put them out for discussion when I'm not with my friends. I don't state my pronouns, I maybe have a tiny pride pin and that's it. It's a safe bet and like you said, I adapt to the client. I'm versatile as a performer.

The issue for me is how my queerness and effeminacy, is well obvious, if you've met me. I can't be a fun and engaging performer without letting that shine through, and most people enjoy it! I'm not looking for validation, but I'm trying to find a way to convey that in the marketing so people know up front what they're getting.

I appreciate your open minded feedback!

(P.S. I have answers to all of the questions you had in terms of performance. They guide me when I create new routines and when I write for my various magician personas, as well as in the website. I'll post them right after this post cuz it's getting long)

Amazing!

In regards to having flair, you either have to tone it down into the proper channel or go HARD on it. Energy either bursts or moves through a conduit of some kind.

I'm very expressive, and it's part of what makes me unique as a performer. I know how to channel that energy into masculine, feminine, and neutral spaces. And, how it works in magic. This is where you have to do the performance 1000 times to really get refined. This is where learning to be silent, hyper focusing on a card as you turn it over, and other things really matter. Only you will do it the way you will do it. And, explore what kind of props you really want to have. Sometimes you may think you want a super colorful prop, but maybe you want something classy and YOU'RE the colorful thing handling the prop (and viceversa)

Expose yourself to the elements on a regular basis and you'll be well-weathered as a performer. This takes YEARS to master, and it sounds like your product isn't ready to be adopted by the masses yet. Better to accept that and work on the flaws and understand the unique elements rather than succumb to jealousy.

Lastly, you look like you might be Indian. Even if you're not, if you want to get gigs wealthy Indian people host amazing events and love someone who can fit into the culture.

So to answer those questions for the persona I perform in at the restaurant:

I'm just a person. I'm here because magic makes my life brighter, and I'd like to share that joy with you. Magic is ancillary; I prioritize getting to know me. In performance I think, talk, and move as if I'm onstage 20 feet away, magnifying every action and statement to an extreme degree.

Maybe it's just me. I'm a better performer show by show but I've been going through some stuff, and maybe I haven't been giving it my all. Considering I just founded and taught a charitable summer camp, I might be thinking too much about how other people see me.

The issue that arises, as I talk to other nonbinary folks, is when people "clock you" without you saying anything about yourself. It's honestly just a part of queer life and is pretty unavoidable in our environment. You learn to separate how other people perceive you with your sense of self-worth.

What concerns me was that I'm the first person to mention the word nonbinary on the Café. I know nonbinary people are relatively new to the public consciousness, but not even once? Come on. I would expect something in the last five years. The world is changing: even the Magic Castle encourages it's performers to use gender-neutral address to the audience instead of "ladies and gentlemen".

By the way, are you Dave Williamson? It'd be funny if it was because I was watching the old dvd's to get inspired.

Sorry if this was all a lot. I don't have a lot of magicians in my area to talk to, much less professionals.

Fair point. Yes, wealthy Indian people host amazing events. I'm Indian. Weirdly, the culture here in America amongst the Indian community is far more conservative than actual India. Insider knowledge. I get what you're saying about energy, and I obviously need to get out there more. One year of restaurant gigging has improved me greatly, and more will do the same. As stated in my last post, I was searching for the experiences of other nonbinary performers and was startled to have trouble finding them.

You're battle-tested, and I can't argue with that. Just wish the world was a little less judgemental, but hey, gotta separate how people treat me when performing versus in everyday life.

Wishing is a great theme for a trick! Sheesh, tie that into an LGBTQ message and a solid trick you've got your TED talk lol

I AM INDEED DAVID WILLIAMSON. I'll let you figure out whether I'm lying or not

I wouldn't look for outrage where there isn't any. That's a harsh outlook people will apply themselves and yet is easy to blame on others. No one gets anywhere being outraged all the time.

On that note, one could make the argument that there's no LGBTQ posts because it IS a new thing to be out about. It is a new thing being incorporated into the culture. Why be outraged about progress? Everything, and I mean everything, can be seen as either positive or negative. Everything. As someone great once said, "Learn to choose the outlook that best serves who you are wanting to become".

All of the performance things you mentioned is about rapport. Some people are not open to even knowing LGBTQ person. They're very triggered by experience, shame, media, and other things to make them have that perspective. It's who they are.

People can be accepting and also simply not like you lol. Again, you will not feel like the fully grown you until you're about 30. So don't worry, just pound the pavement and have a backup or escape plan if you feel like you're in a threatening place. Otherwise, kick ass and just do your thing

Welcome! This thread may be of interest to you. There are many opinions in it but there is also some good professional/business advice within the thread too. My post is half way down the page. https://www.themagiccafe.com/forums/view......start=20

If you are interested in things from a business perspective it is a great topic. If your interests are other than business this may not be the best forum for it.

The issue you have should be dealt as art of the foundational element to your performing and business as everything will be built and based upon it. Take the time to understand this and address this now, at your age and level you are at in magic currently. Best of luck!

Thanks. I'm not outraged, just curious. People grow, times change. Just want to do my part so other nonbinary magicians will know the Café is a safe space. You've helped that.

I’m not going to get so deep into this but I can help some. Be yourself without being insulting to others and you are on your way!

If effeminate is who you are, let that shine through. Do not hide who you are. Hiding will require a lot of acting. Be yourself and be passionate but give the respect to others that you demand from them and it will work out. Not many care either way what sexuality or gender you identify with. Don’t force them to care.

We need more people being themselves in variety arts today.

Thanks. Mutual respect between perform and audience is important.

Welcome om_darji

Excellent advice by those above.

A few thoughts on being yourself and changing others:

One of the most common struggles in life is trying to change other people. We often wish that our loved ones, colleagues or acquaintances would behave differently, communicate better, or simply see the world from our perspective. However, the reality is that we have no control over other people's actions or thoughts. We can't force them to change, no matter how hard we try.
But what we can control is our own perception of them. Instead of focusing on their flaws or shortcomings, we can choose to see their positive qualities and appreciate them for who they are. This shift in perspective can have a profound impact on our relationships and interactions with others.

When we view others in a positive light, we are more likely to communicate effectively, empathize with their struggles, and find common ground. We are also less likely to become frustrated or resentful when they don't meet our expectations. Ultimately, this can lead to more harmonious and fulfilling relationships.

Of course, changing our perception of others is easier said than done. It requires a shift in mindset and a conscious effort to let go of negative judgments and biases. But with practice, it is possible to cultivate a more compassionate and understanding view of those around us.

We may not be able to change other people, but we can change how we view them. By focusing on their positive qualities and letting go of negativity, we can improve our relationships and find greater peace and happiness in our lives.

Tom

Nice, engaging, discussion.

Om Darji, great that you are exploring these questions.

One thing in your description of your persona:

"I prioritize getting to know me"

Let's not forget prioritizing getting to know *them*. What do *they* want? What can you share? Two way street for a connection.