I'd like to ask you married guys & gals who use an assistant (hereinafter referred to as performance partner) that is not your spouse how you handle the situation.
How do you navigate the marital, spiritual, emotional and financial aspects.
How does your spouse react and/or feel?
What are the up sides?
What are the down sides?
What advice do you have for those needing or thinking about bringing on an performance partner?
What additional thoughts can you offer?
I will add my comments later. I want to hear from you first.

My wife has always understood that my interest in my assistants is purely about the show. She has no interest in performing on stage and knows I need an assistant for my illusion shows.

I always try to introduce new assistants to my wife as soon as I can. I prefer that she not have to guess at what the my new assistant looks like or what type of person she is.

The downside to having an assistant that is not my wife is that they are all temporary! Some stay with me for 3-4 years but some are only around for a year. That makes it hard to get consistency in performance.

They're only temporary because illusion shows are a small percentage of my shows. (Less than 20%.) That means, it's strictly a part-time job for the performance partner.

The worst part is when they leave after getting really good at it! Just when they really know what they're doing, they're gone.

The biggest upside is that my wife doesn't have to deal with me in my job. Being together all the time can be trying and I'm not always the most patient person in the world.

Finding a performance partner can be really difficult. If I don't get a referral from a current assistant, I find it much harder to find a new assistant. Ads or flyers are only modestly successful because most people are skeptical. They've all heard of the photographers advertising for models only to assault them.

I prefer to work with dancers or actresses. Dancers tend to move very well and usually are quite graceful on stage. Actresses know how to project their personalities well.

All in all, getting a performance partner can be quite stressful. (I could write an entire book on it!)

Michael

Guess I'm a bit lucky in the fact that I work with my husband. But there has been times when we've needed another assisant, hence the reason we have two assistants. Reasons for this was because of my pregnancy (which I was still able to get in the sword basket into the sixth month, but the mini cube zag was out of the quesion early on!!) The choice for either of us to work with someone else assisting is mutual when needed.

Also the choosing of our assistants is done together. Whenever I need a guy to assist, our teenage nephew (who is getting into magic) who has become quite able to help out. Whenever I cannot assist Robert for a show, or we are doing an illusion together and need a third or forth body, we have two girls that we use and they've become like little sisters to both of us and there is complete trust.

When are you looking to bring on a partner, don't just settle for the first one you come across. They need to be flexible (both physical and schedule wise) and also very dedicated. You need someone who isn't going to have a problem with lots of practice time and travel. You also want to look for someone who has a good personallity and can enteract with people from both stage and face to face. It's also an added bonus if you can find someone with dance, gymnastics or stage expirence.

And I might add...your wife should be in on the selection process, if not doing it her self. I find I really trust my wife's judgment in choosing an assistant, so I let her handle it for the most part. I do have a say so but, I think my wife knows what and how I want to look on and off stage and the same goes for the assistants we hire.

Robert Jones

Good points all.

I am still going to wait to post my thoughts and experience. I would love to hear from more women - either from their perspective as a performance partner, or as performers with male performance partners.

I have worked with both single assistants and crews. My wife has always been uncomfortable working my shows with me. Sometimes my wife was in on the selection process, other times, not. It's never put any stress whatsoever on our marriage. It has always been a business arrangement.

Most of my assistants have been fiercely loyal, and quite dependable. If they weren't dependable, they lasted one season, and that's it. I gave them an idea of what their responsibilities, duties and fees would be, and they came to work willingly.

My wife loves the stage. What more I need?

Let me add one other thought. If you can hire a young couple, that is a really good thing to do. He can help you with the heavy props, and it makes sure that everyone stays "honest."

In my situation my wife does not want to be on stage. As a matter of fact getting her on stage would take an act of congress and a firing squad with her mother behind them yelling wait till you see the whites of her eyes. So she understands that it is a business. Here is where I have seen people go wrong, they get involved with there assistants on a personal level. It may be nothing more than simple friendship from one human to another but it can get interpreted incorrectly by a spouse (male or female). I do not associate with my assistant outside of work and work is usually done with my wife present because she is the costume designer for my show. We have set schedules for when we will be working on our act and usually there are 4 or 5 other people there as well, sound guy, light guy, assistants boyfriend (heavy lifting guy) etc. But there have been times when we needed a fill-in and have used my wife’s best friend who I am friends with but at a distance. With all of that said I will tell you the most important thing between my wife and I and it is TRUST. Without it I don’t care if your mother-in-law picks your assistant sooner or later questions will come up.

I went to A dance studio and pulled a person out of class and asked them if they wanted to join me

They were overjoyed