This is the first script I have written for a trick. I would just like to know if I'm going in the right direction with script writing. Here it is (it's quite long):

Simple Structure

• Pre–trick patter
• Spectator selects and remembers a card
• The card is controlled to the top
• Mid–trick patter
• The wrong card in shown
• The spectator is asked to hold out his palm where the wrong card is placed
• A second card showing which is again, wrong
• The spectator is asked to name his card
• He/she turns over the card held and their card is found
• Finish patter

Good Trick, Bad Trick Analysis

• Pre–trick patter (AUDIENCE INVOLVEMENT)
• Spectator selects and remembers a card (AUDIENCE INVOLVMENT)
• The card is controlled to the top
• Mid–trick patter
• The wrong card in shown (EMOTIONAL HOOK)
• The spectator is asked to hold out his palm where the wrong card is placed (AUDIENCE INVOLVMENT)
• A second card showing which is again, wrong (EMOTIONAL HOOK)
• The spectator is asked to name his card (AUIDIENCE INVOLVMENT)
• He/she turns over the card held and their card is found (INHERENT HUMOUR + HIGH CONCEPT)
• Finish patter

Result = GOOD TRICK

Complex Structure


• Pre–trick patter – Deck is tabled or held in open dealing position
• Spectator selects and remembers a card – Deck remains tabled or held in open dealing position
• The card is controlled to the top – Using The Pass
• Mid–trick patter – Deck is tabled or held in open dealing position
• The wrong card in shown – Using Push–Off Double Lift
• The spectator is asked to hold out his palm where the wrong card is placed – Double card is held squared on the deck with an inch protruding over the right edge if the deck
• A second card showing which is again, wrong – Using a Push–Off Lift
• The spectator is asked to name his card – Deck held in open dealing position
• He/she turns over the card held and their card is found – Deck held in open dealing position
• Finish patter – Open dealing position

Script


• Pre–trick patter – “The trick I’m about to show you may amaze and it may astound you. However before I begin I must remind/inform you that you are going to be deceived which is something that you may not think kindly of but… You don’t have to feel or think badly as a result of that because I have been kind enough to tell you that I’m going to deceive before I do so. And I myself thing that is fair. Do you?”

• Spectator selects and remembers a card – “Now I need you to be kind enough to pick a card; it’s very much appreciated. And of course it is important that you remember that card as there will be problems, as you can imagine, if you don’t. Therefore it would be best for you to show it to everyone else as they can then act as a back-up for your memory”

• The card is controlled – “Slide everyone’s card back in for me please. Otherwise I’m going have an easy time finding it if you just sit there and hold on to it.”

• Mid–trick patter – “I’d just like to briefly assure that there is no mathematics or complex brain usage in what I do. If maths and brain work is your thing… Then a regret to tell that you in for some dissatisfaction.”

• The wrong card in shown – “What I like to do are things as simple as maybe, in an almost amazing fashion, bring a selected card to the top of the deck. I’ve a feeling we have a problem. Is it your card?”

• The spectator is asked to hold out his palm where the wrong card is placed – “Forget about that. Hold out your palm like this. Your sure that the *card name* have no significance to you?”

• A second card showing which is again, wrong – “Hmm… I’ll take a second chance with the *card name*?”

• The spectator is asked to name his card – “What is you card? Name it out loud and clear. The *card name*? Which card did I put in your hand?”

• He/she turns over the card held and their card is found – Nothing said

• Finish patter – “You’ve made my day”

Script and Structure

The trick I’m about to show you may amaze and it may astound you. However before I begin I must remind/inform you that you are going to be deceived which is something that you may not think kindly of but… You don’t have to feel or think badly as a result of that because I have been kind enough to tell you that I’m going to deceive before I do so. And I myself thing that is fair. Do you?

Now I need you to be kind enough to pick a card (SPREAD DECK IN HANDS FOR A SELECTION TO BE MADE); it’s very much appreciated. And of course it is important that you remember that card as there will be problems, as you can imagine, if you don’t. Therefore it would be best for you to show it to everyone else as they can then act as a back-up for your memory (KEEP THE DECK IN OPEN DEALING POSITION).

Slide everyone’s card back in for me please (CROCODILE INSERTION). Otherwise I’m going have an easy time finding it if you just sit there and hold on to it (DO THE PASS WHILE THIS IS SAID).

I’d just like to briefly assure that there is no mathematics or complex brain usage in what I do. If maths and brain work is your thing… Then a regret to tell that you in for some dissatisfaction (KEEP THE DECK IN OPEN DEALING POSITION).

What I like to do are things as simple as maybe, in an almost amazing fashion (FLIP DOUBLE CARD OVER), bring a selected card to the top of the deck. I’ve a feeling we have a problem. Is it your card?

Forget about that. Hold out your palm (DEMONSTRATE WHILE THE CARD IS HELD AS DESCRIBED ABOVE). Your sure that the *card name* has no significance to you? (FLIP THE CARD BACK OVER AND PLACE IT ON THE SPECTATORS PALM WHILE THIS IS SAID)

Hmm… (FLIP OVER SECOND DOUBLE) I’ll take a second chance with the *card name*?

What is you card? Name it out loud and clear. The *card name*? Which card did I put in your hand? (HOLD THE DECK IN OPEN DEALING POSITION AS THE CARD IS REVEALED. IF POSSIBLE MODEL THE CLOSING REMARK ON THE SITUATION).

Thanks

Alex

I'd really appreciate some criticism or comment on my work.

Alex

I have read your script and been thinking about it. The first part is that I think your on the right path in writing out and scripting your trick. I like the break down of the trick and the different parts(wiether there is audience involvment or not and if there is a hook). To comment on the actual patter I not easily able to do as I don't know who you are when performing(your charater(sp?)). For myself I would not use that patter, but that is me. I do like how in the last part you merge the patter and moves together. Looks good.

my 2 cents(I don't know what that would be in England

Craig

Great to see that you're working on a script. Here are a few suggestions.

Try to use as few words as possible to get your message across and try to find a language close to your own. The flowery language of your script doesn't seem to fit with your picture. Here's a suggestion for the first two paragraphs:

"This is my favorite trick, I think you'll like it. Let me be perfectly honest with you. I will not cheat - more than a little bit."

"Please pick a card. Thank you. Make sure everyone can see it. If we forget the card there won't be much of a trick."

I thank you so much for your comments. When I was writing that script I was busy experimenting with styles and I still am. What I was actually experimenting with there was the idea that my writing style could possibly translate into my performance style. Well... It didn't. So I guess I should abandon that idea but I'll keep trying.

Thanks again for your comments.

Alex

You make mention that you are experimenting with styles. Do you mean performing character?

Yes... Performing character is what I meant.