Here’s a killer that I have been pulling off for years at family gatherings. It isn’t just funny, it is hysterical. You will have your family members crying. I think it is more suited for family/friend gatherings but if you are bold enough, who knows.



Now let me also preface this by saying the joke may appear a bit off color at first. But let me assure you if my Aunt Sonja (the matronly family fuddy-duddy) is laughing you will certainly not offend anyone.



Alright. First you need a little set up. There is alot of room here for improv but my favorite technique is using the coffee pot. Head to the kitchen and fill it up with water.



Return to the table and a few minutes later comment that you really must excuse yourself to use the restroom. The chosen bathroom must be within earshot and if it is within sight of the family, all the better.



Grab your coffee pot en route and get it into Tenkai palm. Or if you’re having trouble with that just use your body to block it from sight as you scurry off to the lav (you really gotta go). You gotta go so bad, in fact... that you forgot to close the door.



Now saddle up and just start slowly pouring a steady stream (you don’t need a lot to get that ’sound’). (An unzip may be appropriate depending on how close you are).



The reactions from the friends and family here are great. Most will be so embarrassed for you they will just ignore the situation. Others will snicker. Those who have seen you do it before will be watching everyone else's reactions, trying not to laugh. My mom (who I’ve burned with this on at least five occasions prior) yells at my wife, "Does he know what he’s doing?" She is always so mortified she forgets it’s a joke. (I did this yesterday as we did Turkey-Day early.)



So let your stream continue for at least a minute then give it your best wrap up. (Those who were not laughing will be joining the snickering as they have never heard anyone go that long.) Slowly back off the stream, pause, a short squirt, pause, shorter squirt, drip, drop. Be sure to throw your hips into if if they can see you too. You will hear the laughter start to subside as everyone is now intently listening to you embarrass yourself.



Right about then is when I let loose with another constant stream. You will hear everyone start dying laughing. Do this one for just about another minute. I usually milk the wrap up on this one. Squirt, Squirt, Squuuuirrrrrt. Drip, Drop, Drip. Squirt. Drop-drop-drip. You get the picture. The laughter (those who can control it) will start to slip off again. And right then hit them with another steady stream. They all will completely loose it.



You can finish up here however you would like because they will be laughing so hard that they aren’t really paying attention at this point. In fact you might just want to get out as fast as you can because it isn’t uncommon for someone to be standing there laughing and doing a little dance waiting to get in. (They almost always close the door.)



And when you walk out everyone, and I mean everyone, will be drying thier eyes. Even those who have seen it over and over.



I have experimented with a few variations, tossing in a fart here and there, walking out with the front of my pants a little wet, toilet paper on the heal etc. and they all get great reactions too.



As a side note I have never done this with adolescent kids in the room so I don’t know how that would play but I wouldn’t forsee it being a problem.



Please lemme know how it goes if you try it.



:goof: And don’t forget to flush!

I'm going to have to try that !!!!!

To keep everyone honest that bit was done in a Leslie Nielsen show. I believe Police Sqad, the movie, but I'm not sure. He was wearing a wire tap if I recall.

Well, sort of. He didn't use a pot of water and was not going for a gag. He really had "to go" and was still wearing his lapel mic. So "that bit" was not really the same, same result though The movie was The Naked Gun.... I think.

Well if you guys are looking for the proper credits and history I'll certainly share them with you.



My Uncle Moe was the one who taught me the gag. I called him tonight to ask him where he learned it and if it really was Leslie's gag. He said his cousin (known to us all as Mr. Nielsen of Naked Gun fame) was always trying to 'perform' this first at family gatherings but he could never get the timing of the 'pour' down. So his father forbid him from performing it.



Thus the torch was passed from my great-grandfather George, to my uncle Moe. (Leslie was obviously resentful and included the bit in his movie but still didn't get it quite right.)



My great-great-grandfather Billy popularized the same stunt in the outhouse behind the local saloon. He would pour a couple of beers into his boot and slosh his way out back with five of his buds (they used to go to the outhouse in groups of 6 because of the threat of indians and bandits in those days). Those cowboys would wet their chaps laughing.



Billy first attempted to teach the trick to Georges brother Leslie (coincidence? I think not.) but he couldn't figure it out either despite George writing the directions on the bottom of Leslie's boot.



Thus was born the phrase,"He was so stupid he couldn't pour beer outta a boot with the directions written on the bottom."



It was the next generations Leslie that popularized the more familiar version of that phrase when he REALLY screwed the gag up.



Hope that cleared things up!

That is good enough for me!

Then Billy might have been the guy who walked into a pub, went up to the bar and ordered a pint of beer, which he immediately drank. He then ordered another, and finished it off in record time. A third and a fourth followed. After the last one, he started to unzip his fly.

"Hold on," said the barman, "what do you think you’re going to do?"

"I’m going to pee," said the customer.

"What?" said the barman, "Right here?"

"No," said the customer, " ’way over there!"

(laughing at his own joke!)

cheers,

Peter Marucci

showtimecol@aol.com

Ive just wiped the tears from my eyes imagining this. It is that funny... seriously excruciatingly hilarious... can’t wait to get the right situation for it...

On the subject of credits... didn’t Mike Myers do it in one of the Austin Powers films... the first one I think... although he was in full view of the medics who had defrozen him... There must be some other equally embarrassing gag one could do that is in the same vein as this... Thinking caps on chaps...



Vernon

I heard Leslie Nielsen was pissed about that.



Actually I'm glad you brought that up Vernon. That was a great bit in that movie and will help any beginning bathroom bungler get a feel for the timing (not that it's incredibly difficult).

I didn't know "bathroom bungling" was considered a form of magic!!

Don't know....think I could somehow fit it into my stage routine? I'm looking at a new stage name now...."Bengi the Bathroom Bungler"!!

I think we need a special place in The Cafe for more stuff like this!!!! laugh more every time I come to this thread!!!



Bengi

Benji the Bathroom Bungler performing his famous Lota Bladder routine.

Can I be excused now?



Bengi

Adam Sandler in I believe it was his first CD did a track called the longest pee, just like the audio version of this with a few things thrown in. It was hilarious!