Why? Why ? Why ?


Why do we press harder on a remote control

when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient

funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why does someone believe you when you say

there are four billion stars, but check

when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles

for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble

bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will

open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into

those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch

something that's falling off the table you

always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

WHY do we repete 100 year jokes in some cases???/ bits that have been done by comics forever?

Why do magicians do the same card tricks over and over? Just because you might have seen them or heard them doesn't mean everyone else has...

Why can the Proffesor on Gilligan's island build a radio out of coconuts, but can't figure out a way to get off the island?

Hmmmm. This is a tricky one. However, since the theme is magicians helping magicians, let me do my best.


Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

- Because we want the channel to change and we believe that harder pushing will make it change. We wrongly apply a kinetic nature to an electronic item.


Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

- So you won't do it again.

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check
when you say the paint is wet?

- Because you can check whether the paint is wet. Also, the nature of the paint will change in a short time period. The stars will star much the same during your life.

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

- Because glue requires oxygen to dry and in a sealed bottle it does not stick. When it does stick it creates a barrier between the rest of the glue and the bottle.

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

- In case the executioer pricks themselves. Also, my medicalising the procedure, it becomes more palatable.

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

- Because he is a fictional character and the artists decided he would look more appealing without one.

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

- Reflex action. You have time to react to the revolver being thrown but not the bullets.

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

- Because it is a part of their existing uniform and suits the ritual. Also, the helmet will protect them until the moment they hit their target.

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

- Nobody in particular. It is either coincdence or the word was choosen because it SOUNDS like a lisp. Onamatapia (sp?)

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

- People did not evolve from apes. Apes and people both evolved from the same source. However, since evolution is about species fitting in with their surrounding it is possible for one species to not change very much for many millions of years (reptiles) whilst another changes regularly.

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

- Bubbles are not white, they are clear and they are reflecting light making them appear white.

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

- Probably not. Sales are used to encourage people to buy sooner rather then later. The mattress industry uses this technique often as they have large stock piles of a large product which they need ot move.

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

- People see the refrigerator as a source of not just food but of comfort. If they desire comfort from it and are disappointed, their subconcious will encourage them to return on an emotional level.

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

- They believe it is stuck on the carpet and by picking it up they can dettach it. They don't have anywhere else to put it so they put it down again.

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

- Because the makers would rather they DON'T open when you try then they DO open when you don't want them to.

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

- The fixtures are not sealed airtight and small bugs can squeeze in, attracted by the light which the confuse as the sky. This is why bug zappers use a blue light.

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

- Because our desire to create social peace out weighs our anger and desire for vengance.


Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

- Because tables usually have more then one thing on them and the violent action of suddenly trying to catch something can result in accidents.

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

- Firstly, we do not do that. No one heats their house to 100oF in winter. However, we often overheat the house because we compare the heat with the cold outdoors and require extra heat.

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

-Traditionally, tension between husbands and MIL is stronger then tension between husbands and FIL. This could be because a) The MIL has a stronger relationship with her daughter b) Men (FIL) are more emotionally withholding and do pick on faults c) the husband sees his wife as an older woman and is fighting against this image. Also, comedy is about the juxtoposition of two different frames of reference. THe more different they are, the more funny it is. An older woman and a younger man is more of an odd couple then a young and old man. This is particularly true in the case of FILs where the Electra Complex (girls fall in love with their daddies and copy their mothers to be loved in return) suggests that woman will marry men like their fathers in many cases.


I hope this was helpful.

I think ya'll may have missed the point!

They most definately missed the point.

Sheesh!

Why is the chicken the only animal you can eat before its born and after its dead.

why is it called rush hour when your just sitting there

They really taste pretty good after its born and before its dead too. Just hold on really tight so you don't get scratched... and make that first bite a good one.

Okay, time to change email accounts so PETA can't find me again.

Nathan

P.S. If we were supposed to be vegetarians... cows wouldn't be made out of hamburgers.